Things I learned from my mother

1. When buying sweets candy for the house, make sure it’s something you hate or you’ll eat it all and have to go buy more.
2. How to harmonize and sing with my eyes closed.
3. Beware of short men.
4. People with a real sense of style don't wear black; anyone can wear black. Wearing color properly takes style.
5. Always wear socks to the gynecologist. You never know whose feet have been in those stirrups.
6. Communication is crucial to happiness.
7. Money buys freedom.
8. In times of pain, we do the most growing up.
9. Sometimes you have to suffer for beauty. No one said it was easy.
10. Never make fun of someone on public transprt for picking their nose because they might follow you home and wipe it on you.
11. Be careful with the gloss. Sometimes it looks like you just ate a lamb chop.
12. When traveling, never dress like a ragamuffin. Always wear clean underwear and dress handsomely.
13. To pretend you like it even if it’s vile. You’ll find a way to return it.
14. Have a dress coat and shoes for all seasons.
15. The man should always love the woman a smidge more.
16. Smile.
17. Don’t stick your arm out the window.
18. That kissing it really can make it better.
19. Don’t marry anyone who works for his family; they'll control your life.
20. Enunciate.
21. One won’t kill you.
22. If they are nice to you, but rude to the waiter, ask for the check.
23. When my hair is too long, I look like a country western singer.
24. Don’t wear silver and gold together.
25. Never pick up a hitchhiker.
26. To look the other way when I give blood.
27. Always have your own money stored away someplace safe.
28. It’s okay to tell people to fcuk off.
29. To always say “thank you,” even if you don’t mean it.
30. Don’t remove your shoes on airplanes; your feet swell and you might be unable to put them back on.
31. Don't make your mother cry on Mother's Day.
32. Always begin by saying, “Well I got it on sale.”
33. Never get floral curtains or anything too busy. “You’ll want to vomit.”
34. That the small ornaments belong at the top of the tree.
35. To be fearless.
37. Hot chocolate tastes better if someone else makes it for you.
38. That I’ll thank her one day for insisting I take time to notice the little things.
39. Bite your lips and pinch your cheeks.
40. To shave or wax the hair on your toes, too.
41. How to wrap presents.
42. To roast marshmallows in the toaster oven when there’s no fireplace.
43. That I have a vagina.
44. To pronounce the store W-o-o-l-w-o-r-t-h-s.
45. How to hover over public toilet bowls without touching anything.
46. Believe me, if it's going well, he won't be looking at your shoes.
47. If I’m running late with dinner, cook an onion and set the table, “It will appear as if you’ve been cooking all day.”
48. To move the crotch of a bathing suit to the side to pee instead of taking the whole thing off.
49. To make macoroni cheese and mashed potatoes.
50. To love Michael Bolton.
60. It’s all in the presentation.
61. Don’t over pluck your eyebrows.
62. Always have a black suit that fits.
63. Wear the most expensive accessories you can afford and you’ll always look put-together.
64. Sesame seeds contain calcium.
65. Posture.
66. Don’t lick your knife.
67. To ignore gossip.
68. Wearing white makes you feel clean.
69. Eat raw parsley for good breath.
70. Brush my tongue.
71. To drink my damn water.
72. To always use fresh garlic.
73. That I’m a terrible driver “The Worst!”
74. Have a glass of wine.
75. To appreciate chicken soup, magazines, extra blankets, chick flicks, and bedtime stories when I’m sick.
76. To love the holidays.
77. Passion.
78. How to be feminine: walk in heels, say excuse me (though I rarely do this), and personalize thank you notes.
79. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well, just get up and do it.
80. When navigating a nearly empty soup bowl, tilt it away from you and do the same with the spoon.
82. “Always remember your mother.”

Interesting

At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be:

02:03:04 05/06/07

This won't happen again in our lifetimes.